Church Bulletin Blunders!   8 comments

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I received this e-mail and thought I would share it! 

They’re Back! Church Bulletins: These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.”
The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”
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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
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Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: “Break Forth Into Joy.”
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at  7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge–Up Yours.”

Enjoy reading your Church Bulletins this week!

 

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Posted August 11, 2007 by Lana G! in Church, Humor, Life

8 responses to “Church Bulletin Blunders!

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  1. Great stuff!

    I remember one, it was a typo….

    “Only prayer can change your wife”

    They meant ‘life’ 🙂

    Nice blog you have here

  2. L.O.L.
    It’s hard to pick a favorite cuz my eyes are watering from laughing so much…

  3. Those are really good!

  4. It’s fun to read them. Thanks!

  5. Toooo funny – LOL at 12:45am and trying not to be tooo loud!

  6. I love you.

  7. Thanks for the chuckle this morning!

  8. Laughter IS the best medicine! These are always hilarious, no matter how many times they come around….thanks for the good medicine.

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